LOST

Something in my life is missing and I cant figure out what it is.I have the wonderful hubby,the great kid,the pretty home...What am I missing here? Why does life seem to be such a pain,such a bore,such a waste of time.I should have no reason to complain but yet I do.

I want to ride my bike 5 miles a day,I wanna walk two miles a day,I wanna lift weights twice a day but to get motivated to even take a shower sometimes takes effort.I dont want to leave the house,I dont wanna get off the couch or get my nose out of a book.Theres life to live and things to do but I just feel so helpless sometimes.

I wanna live somewhere beautiful where just looking out the window makes you happy.Ive seemed to have lost my happiness and I dont know where to find it.

Changes

I've been reading alot this summer.I think I am on my 7th or 8th book so far since June.It keeps me occupied and keeps me in another world while still in my own so its peaceful.

Reece got new contact lenses and his haircut yesterday and I pick up his scedule tonight for school.It starts on Monday.Ive been staying up all night and sleeping all day and I need to get into a workout routine and normal sleeping pattern when school starts.

I dont work anymore and am gonna take a good time off to take care of me.Reece and Steve are my world and I dont leave the house much unless its to do something for them or do something with them.I like it here in my own little world of just us.One of the things I cherish is silence and thats easy for me to have here with a calm mellow family of just us.

I have been pondering having another baby cuz my baby is growing up so fast but Im 37 now and I have diabetes and thyroid disease and to be honest I dont even know if I can get pregnant anymore,not that Ive purposely tried.We havent tried since Reece was five.

Anyway just a thought.We are going to Chiacgo for Thanksgiving break and I am so excited! Ive never been to Chicago before.My must sees were always Pheonix,Chicago,Boston and LA and so far Pheonix is the only one Ive been to.In two years it will be my 20 yr wedding anniversary and we would like to leave the country for a vacation then.

Guess I will get off here.I need to clean the house today and read a little.

Me time

I am in desparate need of some me time.I havent had any at all in months and its hard to deal with the things Ive been through the past year+ and reflect on it when I never have a moment alone.I wanna start reading again

I wanna write all the pain and confusion Ive been through because writing it down helps get it out of my head.Everydays a struggle but everyday it gets easier I guess.....

I bought some new goodies as of late:

books
If I stay,Where she went
Hate List

I like reading books in the teenage section.

Cds
Theory of a Deadman-The Truth is
Katy Perry-Teenage Dream
Lee Dewyze-Live it up
Train-Save me San Francisco
Maroon 5-Songs about Jane
Plain White Ts-Wonders of the younger
Adelitas Way-Home school valedictorian

I dont know what I will say on this journal.I have been going through so much emotionally lately I feel like a train wreck sometimes....... I have to take my nephew back to Missouri and see my new nephew and then I can come back home and begin my journey.I have been living my life for others and all it has done is got me hurt.Time to heal and time to live for me.

Starting Over

I decided I am going to start blogging again.I recently quit my job and spent six weeks in Missouri babysitting my nephew,My sister is getting ready to have another baby boy anytime now.Shes been in labor since 330 am and her contractions are ten minutes apart but consistant.

2010 was a life chnaging and very hard year for me and so far 2011 has been just as bad or worse but I am now trying to get my life back on track.Me and my husband have just celebrated our 18 year anniversary and have been together for 21 years and it took me alot of mistakes to realize that he is my one and only true soulmate.

So we are going to try our absolute hardest to live the rest of our life to the fullest and to spend more time together and make what our already good life was better.I dont have friends other than online that I spend time with or hang out with or even talk to really and its a lonely life sometimes but I have my husband and my son and they are my whole world and thats all that matters and I have my online friends who have been there for me and I appreciate you all very much and love you all dearly.

I am home now but still have my nephew and Im taking him home next week.After that I am going to see my sisters new little one and come back home and start my life again.My heart has been hurting for so long and now its time to repatch it and grow up.Wish me luck!